I have been integrating two new techniques into the way I deliver EFT lately and I am thrilled at how empowering it has been both for both me and my clients. Mary (not her real name) is a client who came to me very upset. Her 14 year old daughter was having some issues with friends. Usually friendly and outgoing, her daughter had become sullen and indifferent. Their close relationship was shifting and Mary was miserable.
Here is how we proceeded.
Tap and Talk
In this approach, I explore the problem with my clients for a short while before we start to tap, then the exploration continues as we tap together while I ask them questions and they answer. I have noticed not only an increase in their intuition regarding their issues, but in my own intuition as well.
Session with Mary
Note: In the session below, we are talking and tapping together with me leading.
Me: You are sad about your daughter?
Mary: Yes, she hurt me deeply.
Me: Who else has hurt you like this? Take a moment.
Mary: (tapping as she thinks, she begins to cry) My mom.
Me: (speaking the tapping phrases, as she repeats) So sad about my mom.
Mary: Yes, so, so sad. My daughter reminds me of my mom sometimes. The pain is so deep.
Me: Can you tell me how she is like your mom?
Mary: She makes me feel diminished. Mom did that a lot. She makes me feel not good enough. I get the chills when she cuts me off.
Me: (speaking intuitively while she repeats) Bringing back all those old memories. They hurt so much. All that old pain coming back.
Mary: I felt so alone. I feel that way now too. So many memories that hurt.
Me: I wonder if she is just trying to find her way now?
Mary: Well, maybe so, but it still hurts.
Me: (speaking as she repeats, tapping each point) Hard when things change. I liked the closeness.
Can you remember being her age?
Mary: Yes, I was pretty sullen. And snappy!
Me: So you can identify?
Mary: (Thinking as she taps) Yes, it was hard being that age. I hated it. I was so lost and confused. I was lost and confused just like my daughter.
Me: And my mother distanced from me. My daughter is not my mom. She is just a teen trying to find her place in the world. She is going through a hard time. She is so new at all this.
Let's talk about all the ways she is not like your mom.
Mary: Oh, she is so generous. She is very lively, very funny, very kind.
Me: So, she is very different from your mom?
Mary: Yes, she is usually much sweeter.
Me: Can you see it is about what she is going through and not you?
Mary: Yes, she is going through a hard time now. She is hurting. No wonder she is distancing from me. It makes sense. She is lost and confused.
Me: (speaking, as Mary repeats) She doesn't know what to do but to withdraw. She is her own person.
This is her own journey. She has to figure it out just like we did.
Helping Your Client to Access Their Inner Wisdom
Me: "So, if you could access the very, very wisest part of yourself or your guardian angel or a religious figure or a friend living or dead who really knows you and loves you and wants the very best for you--what advice would this wise part of yourself or this person or being have for you now"?
We tap as she is thinking...
And then, still tapping...
Mary: It is my grandmother. She says that this is the way kids are sometimes. Don't expect her to be perfect. She is just afraid now. She loves you very much. Love her and let her be. She will come around. Love is always the answer. And in the meantime, be really, really kind to yourself. (Mary starts to cry.)
Me: The answer was inside of you, how wonderful.
And then we tapped on the statements her grandma said --- and I add some of my own golden nuggets. She also added some of her own. She even said she saw her own mom differently.
Me: Let's visualize your daughter in white healing light . . . strong and whole. It helps to picture her as her highest self. We continued tapping as we visualized her daughter.
Mary reported after the session that she felt so much lighter. When she came in the next session she said that she was practicing lots of self-care and let her daughter "be". She said her daughter was less sullen and even confided in her a bit. She felt okay with the way things were.
I have used this technique quite a few times and have been very pleased with the results. It is so empowering for all of us to realize that somewhere inside of us we have the answers to our own problems. Even if they come in the voice of our grandma.
From the EFTfree Archives, which are now a part of AAMET International.
Originally published on January 10, 2010.