One of my greatest joys in my practice is helping people improve their relationships, both their internal relationships, coming to total self acceptance and their external relationships. Working with parents and children is a particular joy.
My client a young mother, made an appointment with me as she was interested in trying EFT for physical and mental exhaustion and symptoms which sounded like candida or food intolerance. She was very open to the idea that even if she did have candida there might be an emotional reason behind it. However she had no real idea what it could be as she was sure nothing really had happened to her.
A little exploration around the time of symptoms started revealed it was the birth of her son. She believed this was something she should just accept but she seemed very distraught so after letting her speak for a while I encouraged her to simply tap I suggested just trying, to see if it was relevant
Even though they took him away from me...
Even though it was so unfair, I wish it had never happened...
We tapped for her worries about her son and its affect on him and the swirly feeling in her chest calmed down.
Even though it felt so out of control, I just wanted to hold onto him, I didn't want to let him go, evil people took him away, wanted to stick needles into him, I wanted to just cuddle him and feed him, I didn't believe they knew better but still I let them take him away...
The reminder phrase was "I had no control" but as she tapped it changed to "I have no control".
I asked her to gauge how true “I have no control” felt and she gave it a 5, and then said "in the middle, mediocre, just like me!" She also realised that she avoided situations where she can't be heard or understood for what she believed in. This was how she felt during her sons birth, it was in every way opposite to what she desired.
At this point her intensity peaked so I asked her what she was feeling and she wanted to shout out "Let me be me! Let me do this my way! Trust me!” So we tapped on that.
She wanted to Tell the Story and we tapped our way through what happened. Afterwards, although calm, she concluded she was a failure, she had believed that if she held him close to her and kept him warm he would have been ok and yet she let them take him away.
Even though I was disappointed, I knew what I wanted, nobody around me would give me full support to do what I needed to do. Not a single midwife would support me...
Even though I gave into their pressure and went to hospital...
Even though I insisted on a water birth against their advice because I wanted to have one thing that I wanted.....
Even though I let him go when I knew if I kept him close to me he would be ok....
I rechecked her statement “I am a failure” and she said this was NOT true, she knew she had done her best. However she now had a deep feeling of sadness, which was an 8.
I gently asked did she feel it was possible to get over this sadness. She did not. Further exploration revealed that she felt afraid to lose "the me that I know, comfortable, familiar, self-doubting me.”
I asked was this feeling there before the birth and she realised the sadness was comfortable, stopped her making mistakes. I invited her if possible to remember an earlier time when she had made a mistake. She instantly had a memory about her dad being really angry with her which felt a 6 in intensity. We used the Movie Technique for this and the memory down to a 1 and wouldn't budge from there. She realised she didn't want it to be 0 as she would have nothing to hide behind.
We tapped for “I need to hide behind this sadness to stop me making mistakes...”
I checked the statement I might make mistakes and she laughed and said “So what, I'll be ok.”
I checked on “I had no control” and “I had no choice” and they were both ok, possibly 0. However “They took him away” was still a 1. So I tested is this REALLY ok? and her anger spiked up, we didn't need a number, I could see it. She was still VERY angry about the doctor who had taken her son away, about her manner and the way she had been spoken to. She felt this anger in her chest. She enjoyed a good ranting tapping allowing herself to express all her feelings about this doctor, really getting into the feeling. Her chest felt clear and relaxed after this.
She went very still and quiet and I could see she was in tears. She lifted her head and said almost with awe and said “I can see my son quite differently now, I sense a much closer bond with my son!"
She realised the relationship with her son was challenging, a different one in quality from the one she had with her daughter.
We finished the session on “I choose to feel free and fluid” and she left feeling relaxed and lifted of a burden.
I got an email the next day to say she felt great and that her son had gone to school happily and there was a definite shift in their relationship and she felt he was less angry and she was much more relaxed, also her candida symptoms has gone. This easy relaxed open relationship is still there two years later. We have also worked on all her other relationships and family life is good and she is no longer depressed and is doing what she wants with her life. She is a happy mum!
From the EFTfree Archives, which are now a part of EFT International .
Originally published on March 24, 2010.